Baby Steps

I spent a lot of the afternoon watching FitTV while doing chores and eating a light breakfast and lunch. I want to watch more of it because I really want to be motivated. It'll take that constant reminder to keep me up when I'm feeling down. I hope it works!

Day 1 on my path to healthier living. A lifetime to go.

Leave the pieces when you go.

He said he'd never hurt me, and he has. I guess I should have seen it coming when his behavior changed. I should have seen it when he tried to slow back down. Well, if that's how it is I suppose I'd better give it up now before I get sucked in any further. To actually hear it really hurts. Damnit. When is this supposed to get better? I need so much more than this.

In _____ we trust.

It takes a lot to blindly trust someone. It's either an act of incredible bravery...or stupidity. So much is on the line for me. I let it all hang out, heart on my sleeve. No matter how hard I fight it, I can't hide myself. The "real me" loves to peek her little head out at the most inconvenient times, but I've grown accustomed to it. Live your life the best way you know how. Sometimes that means you're opening the door for trouble, but anything worthwhile is worth at least a bit of struggle and strife. Anything meaningful must be earned. At what price? Steep, I'm sure. I'd wager a heart and a soul. Sounds about right.

If I look back, I can't complain about too much. I have two best friends that mean the world to me. For that alone I consider myself to be a wealthy woman. Hopefully I can reflect upon this in days to come and remember that it could always be worse.

It's not just a river in Egypt.

So there it is. I've laid it all on the line and it's coming back to bite me in the ass. It would be so easy to say that I should have seen this happening, but when you put so much of your heart into it, how can you really give up? Is this what it feels like to fight a losing battle? Being able to determine whether I should push on the gas or hit the brakes is proving to be much more difficult that I thought. What happened to good, old fashioned "boy meets girl"? When did everything become so complicated? I've reached a plateau where I know I'm in denial. I should realize that it's inevitable, and let it breeze by. I really should.

I can't.

Just a spoonful of sugar..

This is pretty much my bajillionth attempt at writing. A poem, a blog, a journal...anything. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to keep up with it this time around. I need something to help keep my thoughts straight. Something to keep me grounded, and in a major way. With the coming of a new year I believe we all look back and wonder what we could have done differently. I can say, with confidence, that 2007 was a rough year for me and my loved ones. The ups and downs of life have taken me on a crazy ride, and I know it's far from over. I think of all the time that has passed and I mourn for the fact that it's naught but a memory - such fleeting, far-running memories. I need the proof. Proof that it happened, and that I lived through it. January is already in full swing and I'm hopeful. For what? For change, for growth, and for prosperity. So here I am, 2008. Please, be kind to me.